Funny Humor Quotes
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Funny Humor Quote of the day
If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.
I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos
POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future.
Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!
When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
When I was young I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock.So I stopped wearing socks.
Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.
I'm the G when you spell OG
Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.
Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired.
I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am.
Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty.
God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson"Oh, that's just a suggestion.
Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.
I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.
Dogs are angels full of poop.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.
Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged swordKit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)
Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.
Jason hated being an old man.
That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.
What are you? The pregnant MacGyver?” “Best compliment I’ve had in a while.
Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders.
Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts.
Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.
Prepare yourself for some bad news: Ronald Reagan’s library just burned down. Both books were destroyed. But the real horror: He hadn’t finished coloring either one of them.
The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow.
We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter
I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.
Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!
Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.
I believe books should be like a prime rib steak ~ good and thick.
Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?
I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.
You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order
Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs.
I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit
The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people.
There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.
Play and be happy.
There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.
Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you, ” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.
And just as I'm about to lay on the Yi-Wang-Smooth, I see Lay #1 and Lay #3 show up to our table and take the two empty seats nearby. From: "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story
Like a driver who has lost control of his vechicle, I was bracing for the impending crash."From: "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story
Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.