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Funny Humor Quotes

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Funny Humor Quotes: "I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights."

I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.




Funny Humor Quotes: "How is it possible to have a civil war?"

How is it possible to have a civil war?



Funny Humor Quotes: "Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos"

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos



Funny Humor Quotes: "POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future."

POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future.




Funny Humor Quotes: "Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!"

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!



Funny Humor Quotes: "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.



Funny Humor Quotes: "When I was young I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock.So I stopped wearing socks."

When I was young I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock.So I stopped wearing socks.




Funny Humor Quotes: "Don't believe everything you read on the Internet."

Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.



Funny Humor Quotes: "I'm the G when you spell OG"

I'm the G when you spell OG



Funny Humor Quotes: "Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop."

Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired."

Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired.



Funny Humor Quotes: "I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am.




Funny Humor Quotes: "Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty."

Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty.




Funny Humor Quotes: "Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson"Oh, that's just a suggestion."

Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson"Oh, that's just a suggestion.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk."

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.



Funny Humor Quotes: "I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am."

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Dogs are angels full of poop."

Dogs are angels full of poop.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible."

Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged swordKit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)"

Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged swordKit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)



Funny Humor Quotes: "Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro."

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Jason hated being an old man."

Jason hated being an old man.



Funny Humor Quotes: "That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs."

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.



Funny Humor Quotes: "What are you? The pregnant MacGyver?” “Best compliment I’ve had in a while."

What are you? The pregnant MacGyver?” “Best compliment I’ve had in a while.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders."

Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring."

Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face."

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Prepare yourself for some bad news: Ronald Reagan’s library just burned down. Both books were destroyed. But the real horror: He hadn’t finished coloring either one of them."

Prepare yourself for some bad news: Ronald Reagan’s library just burned down. Both books were destroyed. But the real horror: He hadn’t finished coloring either one of them.



Funny Humor Quotes: "The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow."

The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow.



Funny Humor Quotes: "We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter"

We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter



Funny Humor Quotes: "I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy."

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.



Funny Humor Quotes: "While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time."

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!"

Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!



Funny Humor Quotes: "Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back."

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.



Funny Humor Quotes: "I believe books should be like a prime rib steak ~ good and thick."

I believe books should be like a prime rib steak ~ good and thick.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?"

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?



Funny Humor Quotes: "I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."

I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.




Funny Humor Quotes: "Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs."

Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs.



Funny Humor Quotes: "I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit"

I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit



Funny Humor Quotes: "The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people."

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people.



Funny Humor Quotes: "There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing."

There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.




Funny Humor Quotes: "There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon."

There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.



Funny Humor Quotes: "Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you, ” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips."

Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you, ” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.



Funny Humor Quotes: "And just as I'm about to lay on the Yi-Wang-Smooth, I see Lay #1 and Lay #3 show up to our table and take the two empty seats nearby. From: "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story"

And just as I'm about to lay on the Yi-Wang-Smooth, I see Lay #1 and Lay #3 show up to our table and take the two empty seats nearby. From: "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story



Funny Humor Quotes: "Like a driver who has lost control of his vechicle, I was bracing for the impending crash."From: "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story"

Like a driver who has lost control of his vechicle, I was bracing for the impending crash."From: "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story



Funny Humor Quotes: "Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away."

Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.