Bill Maher Quotes
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If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
We are oblivious to suffering. We are cheap with charity if it's not close to our home.
But females in even the most advanced Muslim countries are simply, by law, not the equal of men.
I think religion is a neurological disorder.
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.
We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.
It is not a surprise that a person would want to be a prophet. What's ridiculous is that other people let him.
Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?
Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.
If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it's not because he's gifted. It's because intellectually, you're a child.
I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.
True patriotism is doing something for your country.
I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it.
We're a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it's misdirected.
Brave Americans in past wars didn't die for the actual flag--they died for the freedom it represents, including the freedom to burn it.
America is bad at discriminating between danger likely to strike again, and red herrings, the freaking helpings of disaster that no man or plan can prevent.
Every day in America is a day with a shooting.
I don't respect thinking that is dangerous, prejudicial, childish, and could get me killed.
Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.
Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.
It's not that we don't care--it's just that that we'd prefer not to get involved.
This is the opposite of the free market.
We were asked to do very little, and we responded. That's the bargain we tacitly make with our presidents: we won't ask too much of you, if you don't ask too much of us.
Just like in the workplace, women who are good workers are the best workers.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Fascism is when corporations become the government.
Americans today confuse freedom with not being asked to sacrifice. The fact that you can't have everything you want exactly when you want it has somehow become un-American.
I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil?
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!
Faced with our addiction to oil, what does our leadership say? Get more o
And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it's us against the world.
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.
To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
The real axis of evil in America is the genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people.
If we stopped calling it profiling and started calling it "proactive intelligence screening" or "high alert detecting", people would be saying "Well, it's about time".
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.
You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.
If you think you have it tough, read history books.