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Rita Rudner Quotes

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Rita Rudner Quotes: "A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe."

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.




Rita Rudner Quotes: "I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962."

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "If you like easygoing monogamous men stay away from billionaires."

If you like easygoing monogamous men stay away from billionaires.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and boughr jewelry."

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and boughr jewelry.




Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men in high levels of government seldom surf."

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony."

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.




Rita Rudner Quotes: "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A."

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?




Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to."

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell."

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs."

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence."

Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them."

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers."

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious."

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men like cars women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes."

Men like cars women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man."

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to."

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes."

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better."

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Men forget everything women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened."

Men forget everything women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now."

Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.



Rita Rudner Quotes: "I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.