The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.

Any creature, even one as unassuming as a fish, can become something mighty. When they courageously endure their trials, they meet their destiny.

The clothes are so cute. On little kids .. it's so cute with accessories and little details.

The true Martial Artist is not the one who fears change, but the one who causes it to happen.

Unfortunately, the average guy on the street believes that studying evolution leads to atheism.

To love to teach is one thing, to love those you teach is another.

A true gentleman doesn’t prefer blondes. A true gentleman doesn’t have any preferences whatsoever.

Passion in a dromedary doesn't go so deep; a camel when it's mating never sobs itself to sleep.

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

I want every day to be a fresh start on expanding what is possible.

How can I tell you what I think until I've heard what I'm going to say?