Humor Quotes

Keeping a sense of humor about life. My parents divorced when I was 8, and whenever I felt down, my mom would remind me that a sense of humor gets you through just about anything.

I think everybody you know, we all have a sense of humor and I'm not one to take myself too seriously.

I come from a long ago era where men could be men and stereotypical humor didn't offend anybody.

I've never said flange to a monkey!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The gift of my childhood was laughter, being able to find the humor.

Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.

New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.

Heaven will be inherited by every man who has heaven in his soul.

Good-humor will sometimes conquer ill-humor, but ill-humor will conquer it oftener; and for this plain reason, good-humor must operate on generosity, ill-humor on meanness.

I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

The public doesn't want new music; the main thing it demands of a composer is that he be dead.

My senior year of high school, I was voted Wittiest. So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

if you make waffles, throw out the first one.

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

Confound these ancestors... They've stolen our best ideas!

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

People who know me , they know I have a sense of humor, I'm a bit of a joker, a bit of a clown really, and I would love someone to exploit that side of me and send me a romantic comedy.

Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Satire is moral outrage transformed into comic art.

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done.

In fact I always disliked conceptual art, because my work is about anarchistic humor.

I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.

He kept at true good humor's mark The social flow of pleasure's tide: He never made a brow look dark, Nor caused a tear, but when he died.

English is my second language. Laughter is my first.

I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement.

A sense of humor has been linked with longevity. It is a possibility that the mental attitude reflected in a lively sense of humor is an important factor predisposing some people toward long life.

Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

You have come to earth to entertain and to be entertained.

And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.

I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.