Mark Twain Quotes

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

It had as many immoralities as the machine of today has virtues. After a year or two I found that it was degrading my character, so I thought I would give it to Howells.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust' but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

We are chameleons and our partialities and prejudices change places with an easy and blessed facility.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Use what you stand for and what you oppose as a foundation to write great content that resonates with readers and creates a ripple effect.

I am only human, although I regret it.

Ethical man - a Christian holding four aces.

Go to bed early get up early-this is wise.

I can last two months on a good compliment.

Human nature is all alike.

It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand.

To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong, " and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?

Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man.

In certain trying circumstances urgent circumstances desperate circumstances profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.

The preacher who casts a vote for conscience' sake, runs the risk of starving.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

The Creator made Italy with designs by Michelangelo.

Human nature appears to be just the same, all over the world

There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.

Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: the conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to pr

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

Yes, King Edward VI lived only a few years, poor boy, but he lived them worthily.

Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn' want no mo'.

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

Good friends good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

I know grammar by ear only, not by note, not by the rules.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

and so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.