When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

Writing is a solitary business. It takes over your life. In some sense, a writer has no life of his own. Even when he’s there, he’s not really there.

The age of the pulp magazine was the last in which youngsters, to get their primitive material, were forced to be literate.

I was a young girl, a virgin, and therefore men denied me rationality just as they denied it to all those who were not exactly like themselves, in all their unreason.

This world could not have been the work of an all-loving being, but that of a devil, who had brought creatures into existence in order to delight in the sight of their sufferings.

Not everyone wants to be happy

Each day you must choose, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

I spend so much time in my studio, which can be very dark, so it can begin to feel as if I'm a mole underground.

Listen up,” I said urgently. “It’s time to round up your gear. I’m gonna check in with Patrick, and then we’re getting the flock out of here.” Ha-ha.

Love in a hut, with water and a crust, Is - Love, forgive us! - cinders, ashes, dust.

I'm not a very good advice-giver.