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Chic Murray Quotes

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Chic Murray Quotes: "I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing."

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.




Chic Murray Quotes: "So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it.""

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."




Chic Murray Quotes: "The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder."

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.



Chic Murray Quotes: "It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed."

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.




Chic Murray Quotes: "She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right."

She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.



Chic Murray Quotes: "My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back."

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.



Chic Murray Quotes: "I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling."

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.




Chic Murray Quotes: "My parents never understood me; they were Japanese."

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.



Chic Murray Quotes: "My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton."

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.



Chic Murray Quotes: "We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons."

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.



Chic Murray Quotes: "My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark."

My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.



Chic Murray Quotes: "My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off."

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.




Chic Murray Quotes: "A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them."

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.



Chic Murray Quotes: "The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil."

The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.



Chic Murray Quotes: "A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on."

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.



Chic Murray Quotes: "I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time."

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.



Chic Murray Quotes: "I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to."

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.



Chic Murray Quotes: "She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress."

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.



Chic Murray Quotes: "I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section."

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.



Chic Murray Quotes: "A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet."

A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.



Chic Murray Quotes: "Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep."

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.



Chic Murray Quotes: "We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements."

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.



Chic Murray Quotes: "There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed."

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.



Chic Murray Quotes: "I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself."

I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.



Chic Murray Quotes: "If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?"

If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?



Chic Murray Quotes: "I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly."

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.



Chic Murray Quotes: "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.