Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.

Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

Luz's manner of speaking made it clear that she had no idea what she might say next. It wasn't that she made things up, strictly speaking--only that facts were merely a point of departure for her.

Teach her to question men who can have empathy for women only if they see them as relational rather than as individual equal humans.

If we agree that God did not create poverty, then in my opinion, poverty came in to being as a consequence of human rights violations.

That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, running through the jungle in heels. Because also, mud was often times three feet deep, and that was full on for sure.

If lightning strikes while you're in the car it's your fault.

I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision.

The river of sludge will go on and on. It isn't about me.

Without public pressure from caring people, our lawsuits will not be enough to stop this widespread abuse.

In right and service to their noble country.