Humor Quotes
The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.
It's true, of course, humor is very important in my life, as you know. That's the only reason for living, in fact.
A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!
Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent.
Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.
People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the day.
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
In everyday life, I use positive thoughts, sense of humor, Taekwondo, running, and yoga to make me stronger.
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'
Purpose, or mission, is determined by the development of values, balance, ethics, humor, morality, and sensitivities. It manifests itself in the way we look at life.
Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.
A sense of humor is the best indicator that you will recover; it is often the best indicator that people will love you. Sustain that and you have hope.
