Terry Pratchett Quotes

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." "No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir." Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.

"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind."

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended.

He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because - what with trolls and dwarfs and so on - speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.

There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.

The Kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance.

Never trust a species that grins all the time. It’s up to something.

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.

One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.

His parents called him Youngster. They did this in the subconcious hope that he might take the hint. Wensleydale gave the impression of having been born with a mental age of 47.

Nature abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and the chuck keys for electric drills.

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]

Luck is my middle name. Mind you, my first name is Bad.

All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.

Mere animals couldn’t possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.

Peace?' said Vetinari. 'Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for the next war.

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

Given enough coffee I could rule the world

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.

In ancient times cats were worshiped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

Its useful to go out of this world and see it from the perspective of another one.

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.

Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.

The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.

Not all questions are answered, but fortunately some answers are questioned.

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.