Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!

Hey, when you love a woman, and when she’s this crazy in love with you, you’ve got to do whatever she says, man.

The sky had lightened when they got up from the sand. They shook the blanket before wrapping it around them both. Cuddling close they entered the hotel, shivering as they stood in the elevator.

I come from the school who thought the Internet could be the great democratising force, that getting rid of the gatekeepers was a positive move.

You must first clearly see a thing in your mind before you can do it.

Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.

People have always had these weird things about how you have to be really good looking to be a singer.

I've never left a game before it ended. You never know when there could be a big turnaround in the game.

The deepest hunger in human beings is the desire to be appreciated.