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Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
If stupidity got us into this, why can't stupidity get us out?
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
I never met a man that I didn't like.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
To make money buy some good stock hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it.
So get a few laughs and do the best you can.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
Everybody is ignorant only on different subjects.