Sarah Silverman Quotes

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

I have no religion. But culturally I can't escape it; I'm very Jewish.

I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.

I really think everything is fair game.

Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a dream, too.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again.

That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.

Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.

I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices.

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.

The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.

I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.

I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.

It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.

People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.

I don't think there is a woman in her 40s who doesn't, kind of, examine herself in the mirror.

[I'm] almost positive there is no God.

By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live.

I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

Sometimes loving each other isn't enough. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You can't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of the unknown.

You want to make people laugh and by virtue of that please them, but when you're instructed to make people laugh and please them, you're too resentful to do it.

Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.

Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.

I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.

You can be Hitler and go to confession and say forgive me, Father, I killed six million Jews, and the priest would just be like no problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler goes to heaven.

I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.

Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness.