Humor Quotes
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
Hang onto your sense of humor. I picture my obituary : The sexiest man alive is now dead.
People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'
When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
All you have shall some day be given. Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors.
Good-humor is a philosophic state of mind; it seems to say to Nature that we take her no more seriously than she takes us. I maintain that one should always talk of philosophy with a smile.
Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!
Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'
So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'
I don't want to just play the same thing. But with The Red Road, no one has ever seen me like that. No one really even knows that I smile, have a personality and have a sense of humor.
I can't imagine a life without humor. Especially if you have an existential understanding of life, you must acknowledge the absurdity of it all.
Humor and pathos, tears and laughter are, in the highest expression of human character and achievement, inseparable.
If we see light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of the oncoming train.
To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.
When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground and swish my tail - none of which is easy.
There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
The saints are never the kind of killjoy spinster aunts who go in for faultfinding and lack all sense of humor.
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".
Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it.
Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them...
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
