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Fran Lebowitz Quotes

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Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "My favorite animal is steak."

My favorite animal is steak.




Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain."

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.




Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter"

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter




Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "London: A place you go to get bronchitis."

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.




Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "A salad is not a meal, it is a style."

A salad is not a meal, it is a style.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail."

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness."

You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "You sit or stand in the subway, and you look around - I do, because I don't have a phone so I'm not playing a game - and you see people."

You sit or stand in the subway, and you look around - I do, because I don't have a phone so I'm not playing a game - and you see people.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Food is an important part of a balanced diet."

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I wouldn't say that I dislike the young. I'm simply not a fan of naïveté."

I wouldn't say that I dislike the young. I'm simply not a fan of naïveté.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food."

The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy."

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house."

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once."

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior."

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "You're only as good as your last haircut."

You're only as good as your last haircut.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature."

Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million."

No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications."

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I doubt there's ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not."

I doubt there's ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq."

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Polite conversation is rarely either."

Polite conversation is rarely either.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I'm not interested in being a wife. I'm interested in being an empress."

I'm not interested in being a wife. I'm interested in being an empress.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?"

If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans."

Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere."

I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Donald Trump is not my fault. You can blame certain things on me, but not Donald Trump."

Donald Trump is not my fault. You can blame certain things on me, but not Donald Trump.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna."

My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy"

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy



Fran Lebowitz Quotes: "When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.