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Fran Lebowitz Quotes

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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.


         

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.


         


There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.


         

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.


         


If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.


         

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.


         

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.


         

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.


         

There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.

There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.


         

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.


         

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.


         


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.


         

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.


         

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.


         

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.


         

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.


         

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.


         

Polite conversation is rarely either.

Polite conversation is rarely either.


         

There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.

There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.


         

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.