Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.
If you're going to America, bring your own food.
There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.
There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
Success didn't spoil me I've always been insufferable.
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this.
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
My favorite animal is steak.
I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.
Think before you speak. Read before you think.
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.
You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.
The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.
Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.