P.G. Wodehouse Quotes
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The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.
Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.
The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.
Why don't you get a haircut you look like a chrysanthemum.
Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.
Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts
The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them.
Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.
There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Employers are like horses — they require management.
Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.
When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.
And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all.
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.
Come on, " he said. "Bring the poker."I brought the tongs as well. I felt like it.
-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
Had his brain been constructed of silk, he would have been hard put to it to find sufficient material to make a canary a pair of cami-knickers.
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing.
It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.
The ideal adventurer needs... the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs...
There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.
Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.
Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.
This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers.
She ignored my observation. This generally happens with me. Show me a woman, I sometimes say, and I will show you someone who is going to ignore my observations.
You can't go by what a girl says, when she's giving you the devil for making a chump of yourself. It's like Shakespeare. Sounds well, but doesn't mean anything.
I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.
I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.
To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.
It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.
Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.
Stimulated by the juice, I believe, men have even been known to ride alligators.
When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.
Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
The true philosopher is a man who says "All right, " and goes to sleep in his armchair.
What ho!" I said."What ho!" said Motty."What ho! What ho!""What ho! What ho! What ho!"After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.