Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

Why is it, I wondered, that old people are always so self-centered and excitable? But I just smiled benignly and stood back, comforted by the thought that soon they would be dead.

The target audience goes back to conception. That means pre-natal care, safe delivery, post-natal screening, and the ordinary stuff you do in pediatrics.

I'm for everybody. There are no set rules. But if one's not a joiner. To hell with all of them!

I like radically cutting into the painting, inserting these paper birds, and then trying to figure out how to believe in it.

If you shift from compulsiveness to consciousness, being joyful will not be an effort.

I spent the 1960s and 1970s seeking myself - the working-class tradition of self-education.

If I ever meet a writer or a painter, I don't presuppose that they are like the work they are presenting.

Today, there is no excuse for any one of us to sit back and go, "Ugh! There's nothing I can do about it."Because there is always something that can be done.

When Liza Minelli was a child, she used to sit on my lap and call me Uncle Sammy.

Anything can be achieved with a good, healthy dose of courage.