Comedian Quotes

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

I'm a goofball and a comedian.

It's a letdown if the comedian doesn't finally actually really sit on his hat.

The tragic hero prefers death to prudence. The comedian prefers playing tricks to winning. Only the villain really plays to win.

I like the comedians that go into detail and tell longer stories.

Everyone goes "every comedian does Arnold Schwarzenegger". Yes, they do; but do they do Arnold Schwarzenegger in Brokeback Mountain?

If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every night

comedians are people who say funny things, and comics are people who say things funny.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

The ones who constantly make us laugh are the hardest of friends to know - for comedians are the caricatures among us.

The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.

I love standup comedians. I really do.

I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.

I spent 25 years as a stand-up comedian.

I think politicians and comedians have a lot in common. One is a group of approval-seeking narcissists who will say and do anything to be liked... and comedians are always talking about politics.

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

I still like doing stand-up now, but it's not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.

I do feel good doing them [family-friendly movies], but it's not going to be my way of life. I'm a comedian.

Being a comedian, you're under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform - to deal with pressure without stress.

Well, what do you expect? The Comedian is dead.

I've always been the king of silence. I've always been a minimalist comedian. I've taken my influence from Jack Benny, who was the king of that I've always done 'less is more.'

The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

I'd say any good set or any comedy that I've worked on, that's worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, 'What if you say this? What about this?'

My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy. But, I am definitely the first comedian in my family.

I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.

I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

I never thought I'd be a comedian. But, growing up, I simply loved watching comedy. The '80s was huge for comedy in the US. Eddie Murphy blew me away with his film Delirious.

Branne's [Pavlovic] parents wanted him to become a taxi driver, but he became a stand-up comedian instead. So they died of shame.

Down deep in His heart God is a comedian who loves to make us laugh.

Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians.

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.

Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you're not supposed to be the coolest guy.

When you're a young comedian the first thing you want to do is get a laugh.

My theory about comedians is that their greatest fear is other people laughing at them. So comedy is an attempt to control and manipulate the thing they find most frightening.

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

I want to have fun. Life ain't no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I'm a comedian; I ain't no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I'm doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.

Whenever I go on a show with a comedian I just counter punch.

One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.

I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.