The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

No matter how much pressure you feel at work, if you could find ways to relax for at least five minutes every hour, you’d be more productive.

Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

If literature isn't everything, it's not worth a single hour of someone's trouble.

I like my women very green; you know, eco-friendly.

I have two ideas for novels at the moment, neither of them all that conventional, but I'm not ready to choose between them yet, let alone settle down to the process of writing.

I didn't like the sound of people gasping at the mere mention of my name. It horrified me...

If I can, I shall keep my death from saying anything that my life has not already said.

My father always used to say ‘treat everyone as a gentleman; not because they are, but because you are.’

To eliminate the concept of waste means to design things-products, packaging, and systems-from the very beginning on the understanding that waste does not exist.