Albert Brooks Quotes
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I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.
A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!
I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.
Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?
If you want to be a writer, just write. There's no magic to it.
Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on. Anything more is trouble.
Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender.
I can't not put humor in a book.
I've never been disappointed, because I've never given somebody I liked that much power.
Relaxation is the absence of worry.
When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.
If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.
So I think if you're happy with your brain, you're powerful.
I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.
If anything happens to me, tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way, they'll have to reevaluate me.
I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot.
I never wanted to be a director.
Someone asked me "what do you think of Donald Trump?" And I said, "I would rather vote for Hillary Clinton in jail." If she gets convicted, I'll vote for her for president.
I'm not Elvis. I don't get chased by paparazzi.
I don't want to get close to people who have secrets that I don't know about.
Don't worry, and don't kick yourself forever. Just take the opportunities when they come.
Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived.
I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.
I've always felt like I work in a small little area that doesn't represent anything like the rest of society.
Most entertainment is trying to get you. It's tested, like toothpaste.
I think anger and laughter are very close to each other, when you think about it.
Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'
Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.
Art and resistance are great together. That's what art's made for. Look at Vincent van Gogh: He didn't cut off his ear because he was selling well.
I just like making people laugh, and buried in that I like to bring up topics and start discussions.
My mother was supportive without knowing it. Deep down she wanted all the right things, she just didn't see the world like I did, and she's not supposed to.
The biggest waste of brainpower is to want to change something that's not changeable.
In the beginning of any career, in every job, people are always forcing you to the middle.
I don't experience basic human emotions. It's not my thing.
You never do a movie and not want it to work. You accept whatever it is. You have to, but nobody in their right mind would not want the movie to be getting talked about at the end of the year.
One of the things I like about a character: I always think it's fascinating when a character can turn on a dime and go from one emotion to another. I like watching that.
It's interesting when you're part of a group - the Jews, to be exact - that the world has had such problems with.
Once you sign on as an actor, you know, you don't go to the editing room, you don't see how they cut, you don't see how they score, you don't see how they cast the rest of the movie.
There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.
Regrets are stupid; they don't mean anything and they don't add up to anything.
I have children. I have a family to support. But I really could live in a one-room apartment, as long as the television worked. I never needed anything. Just a comfortable chair and I'm fine.
Acceptance is going to a restaurant where the salad's not great, but the steak is fine.
You make friends with older people and you always feel young no matter what.
You know, I became a director out of necessity. I was writing comedies, and I couldn't find anybody to deliver it correctly.
You can equate acting to a tennis game: When you're playing one of the best, you get better.
It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not.
As an actor, if you're just sitting and staring and you don't know who you are in your own mind, it's vacant. And sometimes the camera is an X-ray machine, it can pick it up.
Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for president. His hair will announce on Friday.
If you paint, write, do mosaics, knit - if it's solving that part of your brain saying, 'I need to do this,' you've won.
Nothing surprises me. After Donald Trump, nothing matters, does it?