Bob Newhart Quotes

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

I love portraying the totally indifferent person.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I still feel thirty, except when I try to run.

There's gratification in making somebody laugh. It's a wonderful sound. I find myself, to this day, doing it, wanting to make people laugh.

I don't want to find the secret. I'm afraid all the joy will go out of it if I find the secret.

I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.

Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though youre poking fun at someone or something, theres still an affection for it.

But I really believe that if you have the ability, there is an obligation to make people laugh

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.

I think everyone probably starts out sounding like someone else, but gradually you develop your own sound.

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.

The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors.

Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one.

Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, Why is that person staring at me?

I wasn't much good. When I went into the line on a fake - I would holler 'I don't have it!'

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity.

Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic.

I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line.

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.

More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth.

You should have a value system. You can win if you stick with your value system.

Funny is funny is funny.

I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.

When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.

The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can't destroy it.

I'm very open to the up-and-comers.

Television series are like the stock market. There's room for bears and bulls but no room for pigs.

As an actor, you generally want to see the other actor's face.

I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

Because of the spin-meisters and the focus groups and the way politics is run now. It's run by polls and focus groups. So it's even more true today, I think, than it was some 40 years ago.

Well I was much too practical to presume to have a career in comedy.

I feel more comfortable in comedy.