Jo Brand Quotes

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

The revolution that's required isn't a revolution of radical ideas, but the implementation of ideas we already have.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

I recognize that I have the ability to be selfish, but I also recognize that you can't be happy if you only care about yourself at the expense of other people.

The problem with comedy audiences - it's like the Coliseum - when they see someone struggling, they don't feel altruistic towards them. They feel slightly repulsed by it.

Strength does not have to be belligerent and loud.

If people have some sort of yearning, dissatisfaction or some itching irritability, then it might because they aren't looking in the right direction for a solution. They aren't looking within.

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

I read that book Fat is a Feminist issue, got a bit desperate halfway through and ate it.

I'm not better than you; I'm just different than you in a way that's better.

I keep hearing in my head "you are the Messiah, you are the Messiah." I think there's something wrong with my headphones.

If you don't like bacteria, you're on the wrong planet.

Humans have made a huge hole in nature in the last 10,000 years. [With de-extinction,] we have the ability now, and maybe the moral obligation, to repair some of the damage.

The only Revolution that can really change the world is the one in your own consciousness, and mine has already begun.

Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road.

Our social and economic systems are so devoid of humanity and love.

How we treat the vulnerable is how we define ourselves as a species.

Be led by your talent, not by your self-loathing; those other things you just have to manage.

I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shouldn't have been riding.

I'm not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke.

I missed him, of course, but sometimes close friendships have a tidal beat that pulls you towards different shores though the ocean that connects you remains.

I took my husband to the hospital yesterday to have 17 stitches out - that'll teach him to buy me a sewing kit for my birthday.

I think there's a far more general audience now because I've done more populist stuff on telly.

And I also felt that no one in an audience could abuse me worse than the sort of abuse I had had at work as a psychiatric nurse.

A building is not something you finish. A building is something you start.

When I was at school you got an overall general education, on many things, even just basic facts.

School was great. There were no boys there, which didn't really bother me at the time because I had two brothers, so I was quite pleased not to spend any more time with boys.

I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.

All buildings are predictions. All predictions are wrong.

The great problem with the future is that we die there. This is why it is so hard to take the future personally, especially the longer future, because that world is suffused with our absence.

I don't see why someone should lose their life just so you can have a snack.

Life’s never a postcard of life, is it? It never feels like how you’d want it to look.

The right to free speech is important but it isn't as important as 'we're all human beings together, let's find solutions together.'

I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing.

If all of your electricity in your lifetime came from nuclear [energy], the waste from that lifetime of electricity would go in a Coke can.

Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.

If science could get rid of consciousness, it would have disposed of the only stumbling block to its universal application.

My mum always felt that women deserved as much as men, and should have as much power, so I suppose I opted to go into a very male-dominated arena to try and prove that.

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

Rebel children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory.

I've been breastfeeding for two years. I could light the gas ring with my nipples.

A healthy body attends to the pain of the weakest part.