You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

If you don’t pursue purpose, you won’t know what to with your time

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.

Free time is the enemy of progress

The true warrior isn't immune to fear. She fights in spite of it.

Wikipedia flourished partly because it was a shrine to altruism.

My number is 174517; we have been baptized, we will carry the tattoo on our left arm until we die.

But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself.

Marriage is traditionally the destiny offered to women by society. Most women are married or have been, or plan to be or suffer from not being.

It's very important that we instill some respect for the parents. In America especially, the kids are unruly, screaming at mommy and daddy, running the show.