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Jokes Quote of the day
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
The gods too are fond of a joke.
It has been my experience that, even when a man has a sense of humor, it only really carries him to the point where he will join in a laugh at the expense of the other fellow.
I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.
What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!
Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.
You know you’ve reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.
He said, “If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site.” Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil.
Most jokes state a bitter truth.
Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..
If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.
it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts.
Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.
If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.
I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes.
I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.
It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
I had a dream about you last night... we tried to joke but neither could make any sense. We realized that puns are present in every language, though not shared by any of them.
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics.
They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.
First of all, no messiahs are sent. Secondly, no messiah got it. Lastly, no messiah is. And if there ever was or is, maybe I too am it. As too is every dimwit.
If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.
The fact that rape threats are a thing says a lot about how rape isn't a lapse in self-control but often a tool to punish & control others.
Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.
Why, if you only knew the secrets to which I'm p
What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.
Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.
I swear I've good morals. It's just that bad ones befriend me. I'm a friendly person, you know. But I will talk to them. Believe you me.
Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.
We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.
What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.
Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.
We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.
Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.
A man does not become a real man by showing his physical domination over women. A man becomes a real man by loving, respecting and protecting women.