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Joke Quote of the day
It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
I like to prowl ordinary places.I feel sorry for us all or glad for us allcaught alive togetherand awkward in that way.there's nothing better than the jokeof usthe seriousness of usthe dullness of us
Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.
The inmates made jokes about the chair, the way people always make jokes about things that frighten them but can't be gotten away from.
Ugh!' snarled the Wolf, as he limped through the brushwood with his tail between his legs, 'this is perfectly monstrous weather. Why doesn't the Government look to it?
I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.
Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..
That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.
Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.""Good idea, " said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.
Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.
Well, enough of this introspection. It’s depressing, quite frankly.
My favorite people are the ones that can make any unfunny joke hilarious by just laughing.
C: What do you get when a giant sneezes?Out of the way. - Marigold
Horror can damage your brain" - HAHAHAHA the best joke ever heard (It was said by GreenHollyWood". I really don't believe in that in case I use them to relax!
I was not born with English in my pocket.
Kell managed an echo of her smile, and [Lila] gasped. "What's that on your face?"The smile vanished. "What?""Never mind, " she said, laughing. "It's gone.
Hell-on-skis, can you hear me? This is flying cupcake.
It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination.
For the advice in a joke is sometimes more useful than the most serious teaching.
If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.
Insurances are like very expensive flat rates, except that you have to live by their rules in hope to get back a small share of your money.
When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long.
rights are honored only in the breach. most people don't get agents or cops assigned to them until they're already raped or dead.
This is a wonderful joke to play upon a prisoner, to promise forgiveness.
A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Everyone says "i will never" and "one should never" but, actually, "No one can Resist Miss-using Power (at-least ones) when they have it".
There is no better taste than this: someone else's laughter in your mouth.
Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.
It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.
And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke...
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Smile and laugh... Laugh and smile... Laugh and smile every day
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
The only good thing about people not taking me seriously is that I'm not serious myself!
Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
I'm financially ugly.
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.
If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.
Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.
Little James Herondale, age two, was in fact holding a dagger quite well. He stabbed it into a sofa cushion, sending out a burst of feathers. "Ducks, " he said, pointing at the feathers.
What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.
Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.