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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes: ""despair all ye mortals," he said in a voice of doom. "the mama approacheth""

Humorous Quote of the day

"despair all ye mortals," he said in a voice of doom. "the mama approacheth"



Humorous Quotes: "People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble."

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.



Humorous Quotes: "If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased"."

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased".



Humorous Quotes: "Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance."

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance.



Humorous Quotes: "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world."

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.




Humorous Quotes: "It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt"

It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt



Humorous Quotes: "Sane people did what their neighbours did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them."

Sane people did what their neighbours did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.



Humorous Quotes: "In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality."

In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality.



Humorous Quotes: "It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people."

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.



Humorous Quotes: "Obstinate, headstrong girl!"

Obstinate, headstrong girl!



Humorous Quotes: "I believe you to be strictly honorable.'He thoughtfully emptied his cup. 'I wish I could add you were intelligent, ' he went on, knocking on his head with his knuckles."

I believe you to be strictly honorable.'He thoughtfully emptied his cup. 'I wish I could add you were intelligent, ' he went on, knocking on his head with his knuckles.



Humorous Quotes: "By the time he was done with the deer it had been dark three hours and his bad leg was singing 'Ave Maria'."

By the time he was done with the deer it had been dark three hours and his bad leg was singing 'Ave Maria'.



Humorous Quotes: "Put down that bottle and pickup an Oreo instead...you"ll live longer! #JustSaying"

Put down that bottle and pickup an Oreo instead...you"ll live longer! #JustSaying



Humorous Quotes: "The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79."

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.



Humorous Quotes: "They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance."

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance.



Humorous Quotes: "There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind."

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.



Humorous Quotes: "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns a lesson he can learn in no other way."

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns a lesson he can learn in no other way.



Humorous Quotes: "Well, " he said. "I hope to God I never make forty -- I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

Well, " he said. "I hope to God I never make forty -- I wouldn't know what to do with myself.



Humorous Quotes: "you're entirly bonkers but I'll tell you a secret all the best people are"

you're entirly bonkers but I'll tell you a secret all the best people are



Humorous Quotes: "I am no indiscriminate novel reader. The mere trash of the common circulating library I hold in the highest contempt."

I am no indiscriminate novel reader. The mere trash of the common circulating library I hold in the highest contempt.



Humorous Quotes: "Bad artists always admire each others work."

Bad artists always admire each others work.



Humorous Quotes: "There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character."

There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character.



Humorous Quotes: "Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk."

Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.



Humorous Quotes: "Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children."

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.



Humorous Quotes: "There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids."

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.



Humorous Quotes: "A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance."

A toothache, or a violent passion, is not necessarily diminished by our knowledge of its causes, its character, its importance or insignificance.




Humorous Quotes: "You don't seem to realise, that in married life three is company and two is none."

You don't seem to realise, that in married life three is company and two is none.



Humorous Quotes: "The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French."

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.



Humorous Quotes: "One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip."

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.



Humorous Quotes: "Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier."

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.



Humorous Quotes: "I refuse to give readers an uplifting faux experience engineered to comfort them and perpetuate the sociopolitical and economic status quo.""Who died and made you Bertolt Brecht?"

I refuse to give readers an uplifting faux experience engineered to comfort them and perpetuate the sociopolitical and economic status quo.""Who died and made you Bertolt Brecht?



Humorous Quotes: "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.



Humorous Quotes: "When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become."

When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become.



Humorous Quotes: "Those half-learn'd witlings, num'rous in our isle As half-form'd insects on the banks of Nile"

Those half-learn'd witlings, num'rous in our isle As half-form'd insects on the banks of Nile



Humorous Quotes: "You can never be too thin or too rich. And if you don't believe it you were never really fat or really poor."

You can never be too thin or too rich. And if you don't believe it you were never really fat or really poor.



Humorous Quotes: "You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans."

You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.



Humorous Quotes: "I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays."

I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.



Humorous Quotes: "Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead."

Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.



Humorous Quotes: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.



Humorous Quotes: "Those who do not complain are never pitied."

Those who do not complain are never pitied.



Humorous Quotes: "I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience."

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.



Humorous Quotes: "Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed."

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.



Humorous Quotes: "For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient."

For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.



Humorous Quotes: "I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself."

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.



Humorous Quotes: "Weather forecast for tonight: dark."

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.



Humorous Quotes: "[representative government is] deciding once in three or six years which member of the ruling class was to misrepresent the people in Parliament, "

[representative government is] deciding once in three or six years which member of the ruling class was to misrepresent the people in Parliament,



Humorous Quotes: "Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips.



Humorous Quotes: "I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should."

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.



Humorous Quotes: "When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners."

When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners.