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Humorous Quote of the day
Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.
I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.
It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.
What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish
There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.
Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
We do not rejoice in victories. We rejoice when a new kind of cotton is grown and when strawberries bloom in Israel.
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
I believe in the truth of fairy-tales more than I believe in the truth in the newspaper.
There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your intellectual diet.
I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you.
I'd rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.
I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner.
A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.
You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd.
The whole imposing edifice of modern medicine is like the celebrated tower of Pisa - slightly off balance.
When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.
Don't play the saxophone. Let it play you.
To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.
Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
I think; therefore I am.
The ability to play the clarinet is the ability to overcome the imperfections of the instrument. There's no such thing as a perfect clarinet, never was and never will be.
If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face...
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it.
When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.
Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
Subversive, ethical, ecological, political, humorous ... this is how I see my duty as a designer.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it's legal to hunt humans with 15-round, 30-round, even 150-round magazines.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.
A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'for a man you're kind of ignorant'.
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
Acting is a masochistic form of exhibitionism. It is not quite the occupation of an adult.
Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.
...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.