Humorous Quotes
Humorous Quote of the day
Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.
I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.
It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.
There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
We do not rejoice in victories. We rejoice when a new kind of cotton is grown and when strawberries bloom in Israel.
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
I believe in the truth of fairy-tales more than I believe in the truth in the newspaper.
There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your intellectual diet.
I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you.
The whole imposing edifice of modern medicine is like the celebrated tower of Pisa - slightly off balance.
When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.
The ability to play the clarinet is the ability to overcome the imperfections of the instrument. There's no such thing as a perfect clarinet, never was and never will be.
When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.
Subversive, ethical, ecological, political, humorous ... this is how I see my duty as a designer.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it's legal to hunt humans with 15-round, 30-round, even 150-round magazines.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'for a man you're kind of ignorant'.
Acting is a masochistic form of exhibitionism. It is not quite the occupation of an adult.
...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.
