Colin Mochrie Quotes

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!

Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'

Hi, well soon return you to the dyslexic production of Bitty Bitty Chang Chang.

If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?

What if hamsters fought in the American Revolution?

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.

NASA sends probe to Uranus, people everywhere giggle.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.

You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!

I have many favorite artists...Van Gough as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!

It all started with a badly timed bald joke!

I have so many evil plans, I'm just trying to find the one which would be best right now!

Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.

Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

What kind of FBI agent are you?

Let me play a Man in a scene.

Why are there so many trees in the jungle?

Every song a hit, every hit a smack!