For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

A beautiful woman is a practical poet, taming her savage mate, planting tenderness, hope and eloquence in all whom she approaches.

What was I thinking? He's been tied up for who knows how long and he's injured. I left him there alone to face two guys with guns. Some rescuer I am.

Love is the only effective counter to death.

It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul grows in proportion as you subdue the flesh.

But if you don’t take the necessary steps to make them happen, dreams are just mirages that mess with your head!

Comedy speaks for civilization; farce bears an ill-concealed, sometimes unconcealed animus against civilization. Often against civility too.

Was there only one world after all which spent its time dreaming of others?

You can keep your privacy in the world by keeping your product, not your personality, the star.

Honorable errors do not count as failures in science, but as seeds for progress in the quintessential activity of correction.