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Funny Jokes Quotes: "The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves."

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes."

I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.




Funny Jokes Quotes: "I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny."

I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call."

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.




Funny Jokes Quotes: "In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington."

In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them."

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny."

Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.




Funny Jokes Quotes: "There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes."

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke."

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections."

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny."

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.




Funny Jokes Quotes: "It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier."

It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all."

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus."

I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too."

Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, "Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.""

I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, "Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking."



Funny Jokes Quotes: "These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all."

These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject."

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny."

The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective."

I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once, but now he belongs to the dead."

I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once, but now he belongs to the dead.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke."

Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting."

Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!""

I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"



Funny Jokes Quotes: "As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny."

As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously."

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "When people come in to act on the show, we say, "Just be extremely dry and not funny. Let the idea be the joke." That holds true through a lot of our stuff."

When people come in to act on the show, we say, "Just be extremely dry and not funny. Let the idea be the joke." That holds true through a lot of our stuff.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny."

As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place."

I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny."

... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny."

I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be."

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all."

I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world."

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.





Funny Jokes Quotes: "What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747."

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.





Funny Jokes Quotes: "Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her."

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white."

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order."

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye."

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals."

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face."

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him."

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Chuck Norris can divide by zero."

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.



Funny Jokes Quotes: "Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg."

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.