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Humour Quotes

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Humour Quotes: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.




Humour Quotes: "I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable."

I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.



Humour Quotes: "Life, ” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it."

Life, ” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.



Humour Quotes: "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!




Humour Quotes: "Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman"

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman



Humour Quotes: "Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands"

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands



Humour Quotes: "Hypocrite: The man who murdered his parents, and then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan."

Hypocrite: The man who murdered his parents, and then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.




Humour Quotes: "I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner."

I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.



Humour Quotes: "Colonel Talbot? he is a very disagreeable person, to be sure. He looks as if he thought no Scottish woman worth the trouble of handing her a cup of tea."

Colonel Talbot? he is a very disagreeable person, to be sure. He looks as if he thought no Scottish woman worth the trouble of handing her a cup of tea.



Humour Quotes: "If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.



Humour Quotes: "Books are well written, or badly written. That is all."

Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.



Humour Quotes: "The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it."

The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.




Humour Quotes: "My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?



Humour Quotes: "Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery."

Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.



Humour Quotes: "Well! marriage is like death, it comes to all."

Well! marriage is like death, it comes to all.



Humour Quotes: "Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast"

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast



Humour Quotes: "This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark."

This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark.



Humour Quotes: "More of your conversation would infect my brain."

More of your conversation would infect my brain.



Humour Quotes: ". . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . ."

. . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . .



Humour Quotes: "And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged."

And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.



Humour Quotes: "Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor."

Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.



Humour Quotes: "I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!"

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!



Humour Quotes: "The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive."

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.



Humour Quotes: "I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.



Humour Quotes: "Oh, I hate the cheap severity of abstract ethics!"

Oh, I hate the cheap severity of abstract ethics!



Humour Quotes: "For my part, I am determined never to speak of it again to anybody. I told my sister Phillips so the other day."

For my part, I am determined never to speak of it again to anybody. I told my sister Phillips so the other day.



Humour Quotes: "Aberystwyth (n.)A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for."

Aberystwyth (n.)A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.



Humour Quotes: "A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling."

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.



Humour Quotes: "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.



Humour Quotes: "There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs."

There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.



Humour Quotes: "She had spears of straw and grass in her hair, not like Ophelia gone mad through contact with Hamlet's madness, but because she had slept in some stable loft."

She had spears of straw and grass in her hair, not like Ophelia gone mad through contact with Hamlet's madness, but because she had slept in some stable loft.



Humour Quotes: "The course of true love never die run smooth"

The course of true love never die run smooth



Humour Quotes: "When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum."

When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.



Humour Quotes: "YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side, 'said the dewdrop to the lake."

YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side, 'said the dewdrop to the lake.



Humour Quotes: "He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him."

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.



Humour Quotes: "On the other hand, she was disproportionately indulgent towards the failings of men, and was often heard to say that these were natural."

On the other hand, she was disproportionately indulgent towards the failings of men, and was often heard to say that these were natural.



Humour Quotes: "On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time."

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.



Humour Quotes: "Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am?"

Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am?



Humour Quotes: "It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now."

It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.



Humour Quotes: "Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.That is exactly what things were originally made for."

Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.That is exactly what things were originally made for.



Humour Quotes: "Yes, sir, there are things to see and do on the French Riviera without spending money."

Yes, sir, there are things to see and do on the French Riviera without spending money.



Humour Quotes: "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?



Humour Quotes: "Indeed, it may most verily be saidThat only death and taxes certain are."

Indeed, it may most verily be saidThat only death and taxes certain are.



Humour Quotes: "I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully."

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.



Humour Quotes: "There was a piece of ornamental water immediately below the parapet, on the other side, into which Mr. James Harthouse had a very strong inclination to pitch Mr. Thomas Gradgrind Junior."

There was a piece of ornamental water immediately below the parapet, on the other side, into which Mr. James Harthouse had a very strong inclination to pitch Mr. Thomas Gradgrind Junior.



Humour Quotes: "It's the oasis, " said the camel driver."Well, why don't we go there right now?" the boy asked."Because we have to sleep."

It's the oasis, " said the camel driver."Well, why don't we go there right now?" the boy asked."Because we have to sleep.



Humour Quotes: "It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right."

It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right.



Humour Quotes: "The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion."

The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.



Humour Quotes: "I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it."

I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.