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Humour Quotes

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People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.

Humour Quote of the day

People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.


         

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.


         


I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.


         

Life, ” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.

Life, ” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.


         


We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!


         

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman


         

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands


         

Hypocrite: The man who murdered his parents, and then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.

Hypocrite: The man who murdered his parents, and then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.


         

I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.


         

Colonel Talbot? he is a very disagreeable person, to be sure. He looks as if he thought no Scottish woman worth the trouble of handing her a cup of tea.

Colonel Talbot? he is a very disagreeable person, to be sure. He looks as if he thought no Scottish woman worth the trouble of handing her a cup of tea.


         

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.


         


Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.


         

The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.

The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.


         

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?


         

Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.

Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.


         

Well! marriage is like death, it comes to all.

Well! marriage is like death, it comes to all.


         

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast


         

This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark.

This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark.


         

More of your conversation would infect my brain.

More of your conversation would infect my brain.


         

. . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . .

. . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . .