Quote of the Day
Authors Categories Blog Quote Maker Videos
 

Funny Quotes

Find the best Funny quotes with images from our collection at QuotesLyfe. You can download, copy and even share it on Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Linkedin, Pinterst, Reddit, etc. with your family, friends, colleagues, etc. The available pictures of Funny quotes can be used as your mobile or desktop wallpaper or screensaver. Also, remember to explore the Funny quote of the day.


Funny Quotes: "The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.




Funny Quotes: "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.




Funny Quotes: "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.



Funny Quotes: "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.




Funny Quotes: "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.



Funny Quotes: "Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.



Funny Quotes: "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.




Funny Quotes: "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.



Funny Quotes: "I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance."

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.



Funny Quotes: "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.



Funny Quotes: "As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.



Funny Quotes: "My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.




Funny Quotes: "Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!"

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!



Funny Quotes: "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam."

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.



Funny Quotes: "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!"

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!



Funny Quotes: "If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.



Funny Quotes: "If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party."

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.



Funny Quotes: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.



Funny Quotes: "Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it."

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.



Funny Quotes: "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese



Funny Quotes: "Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple"

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple



Funny Quotes: "The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.



Funny Quotes: "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.



Funny Quotes: "I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection"

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection



Funny Quotes: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile."

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.



Funny Quotes: "Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat."

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.



Funny Quotes: "Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money..."

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money...



Funny Quotes: "My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition."

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.



Funny Quotes: "Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.



Funny Quotes: "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.



Funny Quotes: "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.



Funny Quotes: "Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe."

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.



Funny Quotes: "As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder."

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.



Funny Quotes: "Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.



Funny Quotes: "Laughter is the fireworks of the soul."

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.



Funny Quotes: "To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead."

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.



Funny Quotes: "It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple."

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.



Funny Quotes: "Destiny may ride with us today, but there is no reason for it to interfere with lunch."

Destiny may ride with us today, but there is no reason for it to interfere with lunch.



Funny Quotes: "The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government."

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.



Funny Quotes: "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?



Funny Quotes: "If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you."

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.



Funny Quotes: "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.This was said by gene wilder ... what does it mean ?"

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.This was said by gene wilder ... what does it mean ?



Funny Quotes: "Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute."

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.



Funny Quotes: "If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans."

If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans.



Funny Quotes: "The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going."

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.



Funny Quotes: "I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress."

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.



Funny Quotes: "To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.



Funny Quotes: "I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born."

I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.



Funny Quotes: "If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool."

If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.