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Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes: "A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned."

Funny Quote of the day

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned.



Funny Quotes: "The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.



Funny Quotes: "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.



Funny Quotes: "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.



Funny Quotes: "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.




Funny Quotes: "As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.



Funny Quotes: "I spilled spot remover on my dog now he's gone."

I spilled spot remover on my dog now he's gone.



Funny Quotes: "Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?""Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it, that's not what you mean."

Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?""Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it, that's not what you mean.



Funny Quotes: "Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?""Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it that's not what you mean."

Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?""Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's a ghost.' I take it that's not what you mean.



Funny Quotes: "And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope."

And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.



Funny Quotes: "If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?"

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?



Funny Quotes: "If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female."

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.



Funny Quotes: "Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!"

Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!



Funny Quotes: "I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."

I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.



Funny Quotes: "If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny."

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.



Funny Quotes: "When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.



Funny Quotes: "All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.



Funny Quotes: "Unless philosophy can make a Juliet, Displant a town, reverse a prince’s doom, It helps not, it prevails not."

Unless philosophy can make a Juliet, Displant a town, reverse a prince’s doom, It helps not, it prevails not.



Funny Quotes: "This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays"

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays



Funny Quotes: "Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh."

Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh.



Funny Quotes: "Mother, you have my father much offended."

Mother, you have my father much offended.



Funny Quotes: "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.



Funny Quotes: "Mr. Right is coming, but he's in Africa and he's walking."

Mr. Right is coming, but he's in Africa and he's walking.



Funny Quotes: "It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people."

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.



Funny Quotes: "You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child."

You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child.



Funny Quotes: "If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life."

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.



Funny Quotes: "I will make thee think thy swan a crow."

I will make thee think thy swan a crow.



Funny Quotes: "The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens."

The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.



Funny Quotes: "I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights."

I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.



Funny Quotes: "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.



Funny Quotes: "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.



Funny Quotes: "The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do."

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.



Funny Quotes: "But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid."

But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid.



Funny Quotes: "Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.



Funny Quotes: "Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.



Funny Quotes: "If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?"

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?



Funny Quotes: "Your name. That’s all I want.” I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours."

Your name. That’s all I want.” I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours.



Funny Quotes: "This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last."

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.



Funny Quotes: "There have been two great narcotics in European civilisation: Christianity and alcohol."

There have been two great narcotics in European civilisation: Christianity and alcohol.



Funny Quotes: "Never miss a good chance to shut up."

Never miss a good chance to shut up.



Funny Quotes: "Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby."

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.



Funny Quotes: "How is it possible to have a civil war?"

How is it possible to have a civil war?



Funny Quotes: "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.



Funny Quotes: "Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos"

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos



Funny Quotes: "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.



Funny Quotes: "He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet."

He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.



Funny Quotes: "I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss."

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.



Funny Quotes: "You take the words in the sense which is most damaging to the argument."

You take the words in the sense which is most damaging to the argument.



Funny Quotes: "The funniest people are the saddest ones"

The funniest people are the saddest ones



Funny Quotes: "what would you call this haircut?"arthur."

what would you call this haircut?"arthur.