So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I was a tourist in a bizarre land. I was home.

Our students sometimes use their creativity to do wrong things, and we therefore conclude that we must keep them from being creative. But evil cannot be blamed on creativity. (p31)

People are moving into modes of participation and self-generation, which apply to everything from museums and television to architecture.

Poetry is the lifeblood of rebellion, revolution, and the raising of consciousness.

My bladder cancer was related to smoking, and I think smoking kills people.

That man is best Who does his best And leaves the rest, Then-do not worry.

[ Zionists] dominate the Banking institutions of America and they are the biggest contributors in politics.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

It's true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one who knows how to find truffles.

I convinced her that her first loyalty isn't to other people, but to her own feelings.