I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.

Association brings impartation

I don't care if it's rap, metal, whatever. You still should play Beatles records mixed with Limp Bizkit mixed with Foghat mixed with Creedence Clearwater Revival, stuff like that.

It was a peculiar marriage of interests- Lord Averill and Captain Byrne and Lord Bayar and Han Alister agreeing on anything was as rare as gold in Ragmarket.

Time and distance from the first and second world wars doesn't seem to lessen their horrors.

I am already so popular that anyone who vilifies me becomes more popular than I am.

The artists ultimately respond to the public.

The present age ... prefers the sign to the thing signified, the copy to the original, fancy to reality, the appearance to the essence ... for in these days illusion only is sacred, truth profane.

The universe is going to help the Warrior.

When one is in love with existence one feels such blessing, such bliss, that it is natural to bow down in deep gratitude.