Kids Funny Quotes

Kids Funny Quote of the day

When I was a kid I had this funny blonde hair and everyone called me 'Chick' because I looked like Tweety Bird.

I have 4 kids already, I don’t need anymore. I’m a single parent. I’m taking them through Europe and make them play funny instruments.

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

In Italy, I had an Afro, and a lot of the kids came up and felt my hair. It really was funny. I wish I had understood Italian.

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

I have three kids, one of each.

Kids cannot follow stories. They don't know what the hell is going on in a cartoon. They like to see funny visual things happening.

I thought I was funny as a kid. I used to play tricks on my brothers - I'd tie a two-shilling piece to a bit of cotton, then pull it away as they went to grab it.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry

I've got kids and that's important. It's funny, you think that there's an expiration date on them and there just isn't.

I don't know if I was a funny kid. I would say I was a loud and weird kid.

None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.

My kids are funny. They won't eat the heels on a loaf of bread. So I patiently explained to them that they eat rolls, and rolls are all crust, just like heels...and now they won't eat rolls!

It’s funny – my married friends tell me all the time, 'What you have is so much easier.' When you’re doing it on your own, you don't have to [argue over] how you're raising the kids.

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny.

I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.

I was the funny, outgoing kid who didn't understand how he could keep getting mistaken for a nerd nobody liked.

Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.

You know, I can’t wait for her to gets married because hell is made of fire and she said it would be frozen before she gots married again.” ~ Anna Kate

People worried too much about their children. Suffering when you're young is good for you. It immunized your body and soul...

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands... that can do your brain.