Steve Martin Quotes

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.

Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts.

Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it's almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.

Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

You can't really conduct your life by one or two phrases.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

... you're nuts but you're welcome here.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.

It's pain that changes our lives.

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.

I'm not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.

There's no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.