You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy.

And here in this room, I re-experience the memories again and again it is how wisdom comes and how we shape our future.

He was a man more concerned with the truth than his arrest quota, a philosophy that would often have him skate on thin ice with the higher ups.

God gives us love! Something to love He lends us; but when love is grown To ripeness, that on which it throve Falls off, and love is left alone: This is the curse of time.

One remarkable fact stands out in the history of witchcraft; and that is, its victims were chiefly women. Scarce one wizard to a hundred witches was ever burned or tortured.

I'm super down with being irresponsible. I'm just trying to make sure my lack of responsibility no longer hurts people.

I fear the future I wish for my children is at risk, so I'm taking action. Please join me.

A number of analysts have observed that although bin Laden was finally killed, he won some major successes in his war against the U.S.

I really hate to see abusive behavior being passed on from generation to generation to generation, when we have access to health and counseling.

Ignorance speaks loudly, so as to be heard; but its volume proves reason to doubt every word.

O mischief, thou art swift to enter in the thoughts of desperate men!