Jokes Quotes

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

A civil servant doesn't make jokes.

jokes are used to hide the truth!

If there's an intelligence behind the joke - - it's a good joke.

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke.

I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow.

When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

a short cut to matrimonial unhappiness is not to have the same taste in jokes!

Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.

One thing House needs Wilson for is vanity. He needs someone to laugh at his jokes.

I love working with older actors because number one, I can learn so much from them because they have so much experience. And it's fun to hear their stories from their era, some of the jokes.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

Many of the political jokes that circulated in the Third Reich were directed at Goering. He collected them [all] in a large leather notebook and delighted in re-telling most of them to his friends.

I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date.

That sun is lookin' good... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome.

Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.

Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a joke is based on an untruth, it's not funny.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

The joke is, we all have the same punchline.

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.

It all started with a badly timed bald joke!

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.

Some one is generally sure to be the sufferer by a joke.

We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".

So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.

God's jokes are the soul's curriculum.

There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.

When you cannot joke about the darkness of life, that’s when the darkness takes over.

If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well.

Half of the time I don't know what they're talking about; their jokes seem to relate to a past that everyone but me has shared. I'm a foreigner in the world and I don't understand the language.

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.

I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.

The best joke-tellers are those who have the patience to wait for conversation to come around to the point where the jokes in their repertoire have application.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

I'm really bad with jokes. I would have to say Limp Bizkit.

I'm a goof. I talk too much. I tell stories. I tell cheesy Dad jokes. I'm theatrical and I'll mix things up and I'll surprise people. Those are the things that I just do because that's who I am.

Whenever I'm sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever!

I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.'

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, "Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking."

Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself.