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Jon Stewart Quotes

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Jon Stewart Quotes: "You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning."

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.




Jon Stewart Quotes: "No one is better at not beating America than England."

No one is better at not beating America than England.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates."

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "If we amplify everything, we hear nothing."

If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.




Jon Stewart Quotes: "The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church."

The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you have no regime."

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you have no regime.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain"

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain




Jon Stewart Quotes: "Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings."

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "If everything is amplified, we hear nothing."

If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness."

The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!"

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive.Those fighting to keep those people out - are."

Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive.Those fighting to keep those people out - are.




Jon Stewart Quotes: "I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith."

The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Newspapers abound, and though they have endured decades of decline in readership and influence, they can still form impressive piles if no one takes them out to the trash."

Newspapers abound, and though they have endured decades of decline in readership and influence, they can still form impressive piles if no one takes them out to the trash.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom."

The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion."

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now."

Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?"

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?



Jon Stewart Quotes: "I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character."

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance"

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance



Jon Stewart Quotes: "Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams."

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else."

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit."

[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.



Jon Stewart Quotes: "We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox."

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.