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Dave Barry Quotes

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Dave Barry Quotes: "The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting."

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.




Dave Barry Quotes: "The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl."

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.



Dave Barry Quotes: "In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test."

In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.



Dave Barry Quotes: "...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated."

...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.




Dave Barry Quotes: "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers."

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.



Dave Barry Quotes: "The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs."

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.



Dave Barry Quotes: "The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter."

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.




Dave Barry Quotes: "Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash."

Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.



Dave Barry Quotes: "The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.



Dave Barry Quotes: "If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.




Dave Barry Quotes: "You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!"

You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!



Dave Barry Quotes: "To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent."

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school."

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro."

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.



Dave Barry Quotes: "You should not confuse your career with your life."

You should not confuse your career with your life.



Dave Barry Quotes: "I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories."

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?



Dave Barry Quotes: "Kakimi chertyami oni viigrali holodnuyu voinu?"This translates roughly to: "How the hell did these people win the Cold War?"

Kakimi chertyami oni viigrali holodnuyu voinu?"This translates roughly to: "How the hell did these people win the Cold War?



Dave Barry Quotes: "Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.



Dave Barry Quotes: "I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford."

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Apparently he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine if you get my drift."

Apparently he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine if you get my drift.



Dave Barry Quotes: "It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money."

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.



Dave Barry Quotes: "We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how"

We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how



Dave Barry Quotes: "Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.



Dave Barry Quotes: "As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula."

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.



Dave Barry Quotes: "When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy."

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.



Dave Barry Quotes: "If a Greek woman tells you to do something, you do it."

If a Greek woman tells you to do something, you do it.



Dave Barry Quotes: "I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.



Dave Barry Quotes: "We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail."

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.



Dave Barry Quotes: "But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there, you'd be lost at sea now, wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land."(Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)"

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there, you'd be lost at sea now, wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land."(Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)



Dave Barry Quotes: "Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.



Dave Barry Quotes: "I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems."

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.



Dave Barry Quotes: "The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.



Dave Barry Quotes: "There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately."

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.



Dave Barry Quotes: "You're only young once but you can always be immature."

You're only young once but you can always be immature.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print."

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism."

Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism.



Dave Barry Quotes: "The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!



Dave Barry Quotes: "This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical"

This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical



Dave Barry Quotes: "maybe somebody finally shot the dog."

maybe somebody finally shot the dog.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.



Dave Barry Quotes: "We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.



Dave Barry Quotes: "Reading... a vacation for the mind...."

Reading... a vacation for the mind....