Humor Quotes
If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.
Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and they can be as long as I want them to be.
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
The Sopranos' is filled with really retrograde humor. Bathroom humor, falls, stupid puns, bad jokes - infantile, adolescent stuff, but it makes me laugh.
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart in your hand like a cheap umbrella.
Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom).
I'm in the public eye, so I don't care who knows what I get done. If I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I get it sucked, tucked, or plucked.
What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
From Lucifer to Jerry Sneak there is not an aspect of evil, imperfection, and littleness which can elude the lights of humor or the lightning of wit.
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.
The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
Roosevelt's humor was broad, his manner friendly. Of wit there was little; of philosophy, none. What did he possess? Intuition, inspiration, love of adventure.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."
I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
Stripped of ethical rationalizations and philosophical pretensions, a crime is anything that a group in power chooses to prohibit.
My favorite, and the author I wish I was reading right now and always is Nora Ephron. I love the humor, the awareness, the sense of self-deprecation. She is such a role model to me.
I certainly didn't have New York Jewish humor. But I was in three Mel Brooks films so people thought I was a connoisseur of New York Jewish humor.
