Humor Quotes
Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.
The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to kill.
We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans.
This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment.
This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases.
This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.
I don't think that witchcraft is a religion. I wish the military would rethink this decision.
People always want to ask me about my drug problem - I never had a drug problem; I had a self-esteem problem!
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".
I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."
2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Laws and institutions, like clocks, must occasionally be cleaned, wound up, and set to true time.
Learn good-humor, never to oppose without just reason; abate some degree of pride and moroseness.
Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again. "So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking.
Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. "Don’t let it worry you," said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.
I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle of the night.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
At the end of my trial, I was rather hoping the judge would send me to Australia for the rest of my life.
I've always been attracted to humor and funny people in general. It's a joy to make people laugh, but it's not as fun as laughing yourself.
The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside.
The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves.