I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

Driving is boring, " Rabbit pontificates, "but it's what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.

If I have managed to brighten up even one gloomy childhood – then I’m satisfied.

People just jump right to, 'We're going to create this really cool thing and put it out there and people are going to magically find it.' You have to market your marketing.

I think Jeremiah is for our times. But whether the church in the west will listen to the Word of God today any more than in the chaos of 7th century BC middle east... Only God knows.

The artist beholds in nature more than she herself Nature is conscious of.

Once your mind becomes absolutely still, your intelligence transcends human limitations.

Now we are living in the age of comics as air

My music has shaken hands with the world somehow - it's a beautiful disease, and I'm glad I got it.

Passion isn't always available. The committed get things done even without it.

I make big shots everywhere. I get accustomed to it. I'm not afraid to be the goat. I don't worry about what you (reporters) say about me in the papers. In fact, I like it. It tickles me.