If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

Logically, you should go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a good degree, go into the workplace, then work hard and be happy. The only problem is that happiness isn't logical.

No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

The longer I do my job ... the more I realize that humans lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.

I'm interested in the theater because I'm interested in communication with audiences. Otherwise I would be in concert music.

Those who have been eminent in philosophy, politics, poetry, and the arts have all had tendencies toward melancholia.

Of all the things I am not very good at, living in the real world is perhaps the most outstanding.

If you want team play, you must stress defense. Defense makes players unselfish.

I'm having so much trouble with writing. Maybe if I help other people, it'll be easier for me.

I didn't start grieving for my mother properly until I was maybe 16.

The way I dress depends on how I feel. I never have to psych myself up. Usually it just feels like it works.