I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

May those who follow their fate be granted happiness

Would you give up your vengeance against someone you hate if it meant saving someone you love? Would you want your dreams to come true if it meant granting your enemy's dying wish?

It is not your fault you believe what your parents tell you. It is theirs for telling you unbelievable things. -- ME

Friendship is essentially a partnership.

With me it's always about first impressions.

Crying wouldn't help anything now.

Don't say I'm not talented. If you haven't noticed, I wasn't made. I was found.

The whole point of the punk-rock thing was that "We're not special. We just have a voice."

God has chosen us to help one another.

I have heeded the lessons of the wise in that when life kicks me in the head, I turn to it my hind section also.