You totally need to watch the news.""Can't.""Why?""It's too depressing.""Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?

There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.

Have you slept yet?''Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.''Didn't you drive there?''Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'- Charley & Cookie

He had an answer to almost everything and he retired at an early age.

It is a tremendous strength to be able to digest an insult.

I am never bored

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

My past identity separates from me and remains in the past; he becomes someone else. Is memory really as insubstantial as the fragments of information that we store in our heads?

It is always a poor way of reading the hearts of others to try to conceal our own. [Fr., C'est toujours un mauvais moyen de lire dans le coeur des autres que d'affecter de cacher le sien.]

An actor should take lessons from a painter and a sculptor.

Just as those who are deprived of light cannot walk straight, so also those who do not behold the ray of the Holy Scriptures must necessarily sin, since they walk in the deepest darkness.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

When it comes to investing, my suggestion is to first understand your strengths and weaknesses, and then devise a simple strategy so that you can sleep at night!