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Anthony Jeselnik Quotes: Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
         

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.


Anthony Jeselnik
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Other quotes of Anthony Jeselnik


My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.



I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.



People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.



Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.



My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.



The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'



You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.

You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.



I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.



I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.



My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.





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Don't dwell too long on the past, forgive and let it go. Too many hours have been wasted on old regrets and sorrow.

Don't dwell too long on the past, forgive and let it go. Too many hours have been wasted on old regrets and sorrow.



ولأنني رغم القبور..ورغم موت الأرضأرفض أن أموت

ولأنني رغم القبور..ورغم موت الأرضأرفض أن أموت



The angel came, the angel saw, the angel fell.

The angel came, the angel saw, the angel fell.



Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except perhaps a few books on a few shelves.

Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except perhaps a few books on a few shelves.



It is vital that we get these policies right as we take forward our plans to drive down the deficit and transform our economy.

It is vital that we get these policies right as we take forward our plans to drive down the deficit and transform our economy.



Have you ever gotten tired of hearing those ridiculous AT&T commercials claiming credit for things that don't even exist yet? You will.

Have you ever gotten tired of hearing those ridiculous AT&T commercials claiming credit for things that don't even exist yet? You will.



It's a miracle when we finally discover whom we're best equipped to serve.

It's a miracle when we finally discover whom we're best equipped to serve.



I was only glad to be saved and never once thought to ask why.

I was only glad to be saved and never once thought to ask why.



O Contentment, make me rich! for without thee there is no wealth.

O Contentment, make me rich! for without thee there is no wealth.



I hadn't really done a comedy other than The Ape since Freaks and Geeks.

I hadn't really done a comedy other than The Ape since Freaks and Geeks.




Quote Description


This page presents the quote "Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.". Author of this quote is Anthony Jeselnik. This quote is about little kid, funny, yesterday, kids, humor, car, serious,.