When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.

I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.

I've also committed my time and resources to many local organizations like Christmas in April, Catholic Community Services, and Hudson County Meals on Wheels.

Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.

The individual couldn't find any attention in Italy.

We're in a very unique time where noise equals, in a lot of people's perception, advocacy. And I fundamentally disagree with that.

All will be lost apart from happiness.

The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.

To enter a wood is to pass into a different world in which we ourselves are transformed.

Were getting closer and closer to finding a habitable world.

[Hamas] thought that if you go to elections you become a democrat for the rest of your life. They think that democracy is limited to one day in four years.

Surely it was time someone invented a new plot, or that the author came out from the bushes.