If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.

I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.

Whatever your faith prompts you to do, begin now.

So many little lives, amounting to nothing. I ask you: What is infinity multiplied by zero? It is hardly worth our discussion.

One cannot help but be in awe when [one] contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.

The last thing to collapse is the surface.

I don't subscribe to the 'Doctor Who' magazine and we've only got the normal amount of 'Doctor Who' fridge magnets.

Some hard and dry book in a dead language, which you have found it impossible to read at home, but for which you still have a lingering regard, is the best to carry with you on a journey.

When you are pushing yourself to not go back to the same well, you're gonna come up with something different, or you'll find songs that are different.

How natural it is to destroy what we cannot possess, to deny what we do not understand, and to insult what we envy!

Replace the words "have to" with "get to" and watch how the cold rain on your life changes to sunshine.

There is nothing more important to this nation's future than investing in our young people.