What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

A man, though wise, should never be ashamed of learning more, and must unbend his mind.

The secret does not lie in the perfection of your path, but in recognizing its imperfection.

Children are happy because they have the power of finding happiness in the simplest things.

Reason is the triumph of the intellect faith of the heart.

I think women are used to stepping up and getting the job done when you need to.

My husband and I have a deal, which has worked out well: He cooks one Sunday, I cook the next. The kids set the table, and we eat in the dining room together, just as I used to do as a kid.

Order (self-organizat ion): Set aside time to plan how you will spend your time. Think about what’s most important. Then do those things first.

Level 5 leaders are a study in duality: modest and willful, humble and fearless.

The increased presence of Muslims in Italy and in Europe is directly proportional to our loss of freedom.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.